Lots of Jokes - Enjoy our massive collection of dirty jokes, clean jokes, funny pictures and videos!

We've got jokes, funny pictures, videos, comics and more!

About Lots of Jokes Link To Us Contact Lots of Jokes Your Boss Is Coming!!! Bookmark and Share Follow lotsofjokes on Twitter

Funny Videos Funny Pictures Fortune Cookies Win Contest Latest Jokes Submit Joke Find Jokes Upload Videos User Feedback

Warning - Language & Content
Application To Live In Category

Application To Live In...


Here are a selection of applications to live in various destinations...


Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire

NAME: _________________________________________________

ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
White ( )

TYPE OF CARS OWNED:
Pickup Truck ( )
You don't own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )

CAR EQUIPMENT:
Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder( )
Playboy air freshener ( )

BUMPER STICKERS:
"Ex-wife in trunk" ( )
"If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns" ( )
"Bush/Quayle" ( )
"Shit Happens" ( )
"If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk" ( )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )

FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Prolife ( )

Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________

FAVORITE DRUGS:
Grass ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply)
Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )

FAVORITE BEER:
Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )

FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
Don't Care ( )

CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
NRA ( )

How Automatic Weapons do you own? 5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )


WEST VIRGINIA STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

  Name: (last) _____________
  (first) (_) Billy-Bob
  (_) Billy-Joe
  (_) Billy-Ray
  (_) Billy-Sue
  (_) Billy-Mae
  (_) Billy-Jack
  (Check appropriate box)
  Age: ____
  Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
  Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

  CB Handle: _____________________

  Occupation:
  (_)Farmer
  (_)Mechanic
  (_)Hair Dresser
  (_)Un-employed
  (_)Coal Miner

  Spouse's Name: __________________________

  Relationship with spouse:
  (_) Sister
  (_) Brother
  (_) Aunt
  (_) Uncle
  (_) Cousin
  (_) Mother
  (_) Father
  (_) Son
  (_) Daughter
  (_) Pet

  Number of children living in household: ___

  Number that are yours: ___

  Mother's Name: _______________________

  Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

  Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

  Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

  ___ Total number of vehicles you own
  ___ Number of vehicles that still crank
  ___ Number of vehicles in front yard
  ___ Number of vehicles in back yard
  ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
  ___ Number of refrigerators on front porch

  Firearms you own and where you keep them:
  ____ truck
  ____ bedroom
  ____ bathroom
  ____ kitchen
  ____ shed

  Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
  Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: _________

  Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
  (_)The National Enquirer
  (_)The Globe
  (_)TV Guide
  (_)Soap Opera Digest
  (_)Gun World

  ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
  ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
  ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

  How often do you bathe:
  (_)Weekly
  (_)Monthly
  (_)Holidays
  (_)Not Applicable

  Color of teeth:
  (_)Yellow
  (_)Brownish-Yellow
  (_)Brown
  (_)Black
  (_)No teeth
  (_)N/A

  Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
  (_)Red-Man

  How far is your home from a paved road?
  (_)1 mile
  (_)2 miles
  (_)don't know
  (_)can't get there from here

  Reason for continued residence in West Virginia:
  (_) can't bear to leave brother's behind
  (_) daddy won't give me my pants back
  (_) liberal wife beating laws

BUMPER STICKERS:
  ___ Eat more Possum ___ My other car is a piece of shit too
  ___ Honk if you love Jesus ___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't shit
  ___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco ___ Wave if you're horny

Favorite Recreation:
  ___ Square Dancin' ___ Possum Huntin' ___ Skinny Dippin'
  ___ Craw Daddin' ___ Gospel Singin' ___ 4-Wheelin'
  ___ Drankin' ___ Spittin' Backy ___ Bill Chip Trowin'
  ___ Honky Tonkin' ___ Noodlin' ___ Other

Number of Dogs: ___ Type: ___ Blue Tick ___ Beagle
  ___ Black & Tan ___ Bird Dawg

Cap Emblem: ___ John Deere ___ McCulloch Chain Saws ___ Budweiser
  ___ Vo-Tech ___ Skoal ___ Coors
  ___ NAPA ___ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear

Memberships:
  ___ KKK ___ NRA ___ Moose ___ PTL Club ___ AA
  ___ Bass Club ___ VFW ___ Quiltin' Bee ___ American Legion
  ___ United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
  ___ John Birch Society

Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
___ B.O. ___ Crabs ___ Head Lice ___ Rabies
___ Trench Mouth ___ Runny Nose ___ Bad Breath ___ Chafing


APPLICATION TO LIVE IN ARKANSAS

Name:_______________________________________________________________
Nickname:___________________________ CB Handle:____________________

Address (RFD):______________________________________________________

Daddy (if unknown afix list of 3 suspects):_________________________

Neck colour:____ [] Light Red [] Medium Red [] Dark Red [] Other

Number of teeth exposed in full grin:_______ Upper:_____ Lower:____

Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:_________________

Hounds:_____________ Type: [] Blue Tick [] Beagle [] Black and Tan

Length of right leg:__________ Length of left leg:__________
other:_________

How many cars/makes in front yard? _________________________________
How many on blocks? ________________________________________________

How many kitchen appliances on front porch? ________________________
back porch? _________________________

When and where was your last "Elvis" sighting? _____________________
____________________________________________________________________

Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? [] Yes [] No

Are you married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)

-Sister -Cousin -Cousin's Sister

-Other, Explain:____________________________________________________

Have you EVER had more than one bath a week?
[] No [] Yes, Explain:___________________________________________


*Medical Information*

Do you have at least two (2) of the following: [] B.O. [] Lice
[] Crabs [] Bad Breath [] Hoof in Mouth [] Scabs [] Fleas
[] Infected Tatoos [] Crossed eyes [] Runny Nose [] Green Teeth
[] Yellow Teeth [] Any Teeth [] Speach Impediment

*General Information*

Can you count past 20 without stripping? [] yes [] no [] never tried

Favorite Weapon: [] Tire Iron [] Pick Handle
[] Log Chain [] Shotgun

Favorite Pastime: [] Drinkin' [] Coon Huntin'
[] Fishin' [] Fuedin'[] Other

Truck equipped with: [] Gun Rack [] Fuzzbuster [] 8-Track
[] Rebel Flag [] Roll Bar [] C.B. Radio
[] Beer Cans [] Squirrel Tail [] Bull Horns

Favorite Vocalist: [] Elvis (the young Elvis)
[] Elvis (the old Elvis)
[] Elvis (dead)

Cap Emblems: [] John Deere [] CAT [] SKOAL [] Budweiser
[] Bud Dry [] Jack Daniels [] Teamsters local

Merberships: [] NRA [] VFW [] KKK [] 700 Club
[] B.P.O.E. [] Sine-aid Society

Do you vote? [] Yes [] No [] What's that?

Have you ever been in jail? [] Yes [] No [] Born there

Your Signature (one X will do):____________________________Date:_____

 


Application to live in New Jersey

NAME:__________________________
NICKNAME:_____________________

ADDRESS: ______________________
EXIT #: ______________________

BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE:

  a)Sewage
  b)Sulfur
  c)Garbage
  d)All of the above

TOTAL # OF MUSCLE SHIRTS:

  a)5 - 10
  b)10 - 15
  c)15 - 20
  d)20 and above

# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS:

  a)5 - 10
  b)10 - 15
  c)15 - 20
  d)20 and above

# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS:

  a)5 - 10
  b)10 - 15
  c)15 - 20
  d)20 and above

BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED:

  a)Sergio Valente
  b)Jordache
  c)Sassoon
  d)Z. Cavaricci

PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER:

  a)100%
  b)95-100%
  c)90-95%
  d)85-90%

TOTAL # OF GOLD CHAINS OWNED:

  a)10 - 15
  b)15 - 20
  c)20 - 25
  d)25 and above

# OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME:

  a)5 - 10
  b)10 - 15
  c)15 - 20
  d)20 and above

APPROXIMATE VALUE OF ALL THIS JEWELRY:

  a)$5 - $10
  b)$10 - $15
  c)$15 - $20
  d)Stolen

NUMBER OF APPLICATIONS OF OBSESSION/POLO/DRAKKAR TO ACHIEVE DESIRED
EFFECT:

  a)10 - 15
  b)15 - 25
  c)25 and above

GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH?

  YES NO

HAIR HEIGHT:

  a)6 - 8 Inches
  b)8 - 12 Inches
  c)1 - 2 feet
  d)More than 2 feet

HAIR PRODUCTS USED AT ANY GIVEN TIME:

  a) Hair Spray
  b) Styling Gel
  c) Mousse
  d) Extra Hold Styling Gel
  e) Bondo
  f) Spackle
  g) 40 Weight Oil
  h) Crazy Glue

AUTOMOBILE OWNED:

  a) IROC Z
  b) Firebird
  c) Camaro
  d) Mustang
  f) Chevette (You got a f#%*ing problem with it?)

NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND:

  a)6 - 8 Inches
  b)4 -6 Inches
  c)2 - 4 Inches
  d)Under 2 Inches

CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE:

  a) Gold chain around license plate
  b) Neon lights around license plate
  c) Neon lights under car
  d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view
  mirror
  e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror
  f) Chrome hubcaps
  g) Stick-on window tinting
  h) Stick-on paint splash stickers
  i) Fuzzy dice

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM:

  a) F#%*ing Giants
  b) F#%*ing Jets
  c) F#%*ing Mets
  d) F#%*ing Yankees
  e) F#%*ing Nets
  f) F#%*ing Knicks
  g) F#%*ing Devils
  h) F#%*ing Rangers
  i) F#%*ing Islanders

FAVORITE MUSIC:

  a) Techno
  b) Rap
  c) Bon Jovi
  d) Bruce Springsteen

ESSAY QUESTION:

In 100 words or less, define the term "Yoos Guys".


Previous Page Email Joke to a Friend

 





 

 


Lots of Jokes Funny Features Top Rated Jokes Popular Jokes
About Us
Contact Us
User Feedback
Contest
Advertise
Welcome
Link To Us
Find Jokes
Funny Videos
Funny Pictures
Funny Comics
Submit Jokes
Latest Jokes
Fortune Cookies
Dirty Jokes
Celebrity Jokes
Lawyer Jokes
Political Jokes
Religious Jokes
Tasteless Jokes
Bar Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Redneck Jokes
Classic Jokes
Naughty Jokes
Top Ten Lists
Kids Jokes
Tasteless Jokes

Copyright © 2017 Luckytool, LLC. All rights reserved. Lots of Jokes™ is a trademark of Luckytool, LLC. Contents is protected by international copyright laws. Unauthorized copying or duplication in any form is strictly prohibited without the prior written consent of Luckytool, LLC. Use of Lots of Jokes acknowledges your acceptance to our terms and conditions, DMCA notice and privacy policy.