Some Arkansas etiquette tips... My
apologies to friends from Texas, North Carolina, West Virginia, and
other parts of the country who may feel left out.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewellery and alter the taste of finger
foods.
DINING OUT
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners are.
DATING (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested "I've been wanting to
go out with you since........
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 1000 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to ask her to bring back soft drinks and a candy bar.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
 
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