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Bed Jokes


Everybody knows you can create a Bed Joke just by reading your fortune from your fortune cookie and ending it with “in bed”.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bed ! Bed who ? Bed you can't guess who I am!

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa.

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling !

What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas !

Why did the kid punch the bed? His mother told him to hit the hay.

Why did the boy take the ruler to bed? He wanted to see how long he slept.

Why did the man take a pencil to bed ? To draw the curtains !

I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: "Good grief, where are your feet?" I must have left them in bed !

Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off!

Why are rivers lazy? Because they never get off their beds.

Why do you go to bed? Because the bed will not come to you.

Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed? Because he is lying.

How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it.

When does a bed grow longer? At night, because two feet are added to it.

When is your mind like a rumpled bed? When it isn't made up yet.

Why did the bed spread? Because it saw the pillow slip.

Mother: Did you make your bed today? Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed? Because he sleeps on a waterbed !

Why did your sister keep running around her bed ? Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.

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