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Blonde Jokes |
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How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde. A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?" The blonde replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid." A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened? She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!" A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked. While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them." A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!" A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night... Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet. What's a blondes idea of natural childbirth? No make-up. What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ? A blonde doing cartwheels. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!" Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? She heard that the drinks were on the house. Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? From trying to blow out lightbulbs. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache. These two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it. Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don't drink! What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop. Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? The rest are hunt'n peckers. Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
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