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Criminal Jokes



What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner ? A Kong - vict !

Knock Knock Who's there ! Burglar ! Burglar who ? Burglars don't knock !

t was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Who was the world's greatest thief ? Atlas, because he held up the whole world !

Why are burglars such good tennis players ? Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts !

Who is the biggest gangster in the sea ? Al Caprawn !

What do you call a robbery in China ? A Chinese take away !

What do you call a mayfly with a criminal tendencies ? Baddy long legs !

What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ? Robbery with violets !

What stars go to jail? Shooting stars.

Who is the strongest thief? A shoplifter.

Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen? Criminal: It wasn't when I took it.

A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the floor, yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get out ? Through the doorway - there were no doors remember !

'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day. 'Why ?' 'I've put a file in your cake.'

What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I'm at your service, ma'am.

How do bank robbers send messages? By flee mail!

What hired killer never goes to jail? The exterminator.

What kind of thief steals meat? A hamburglar.

Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner; I'm a locksmith, Your Honour. Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you? Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!

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