Crude Sex Jokes VII

Q. What do you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints!

Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
A. He got the sack.

Q. Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
A. He's down to four butts a day.

Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!

Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".

Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A. Two gays with haemorrhoids.

Q. Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
A. They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.

Q. What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
A. They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A. They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.

Q. Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
A. The other 30% were sucked into it.

Q. Hear about the new gay sitcom?
A. "Leave it, it's Beaver."

Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ass.

Q. How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
A. The hero always gets his man in the end.

Q. How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
A. All the good guys are hung.

Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.

Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.

Q. Did you hear about the two gay judges?
A. They tried each other.

Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.

Q. What's the difference between a hamster and a cow?
A. Cows survive the branding.

Q. What do a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A. A wet nose.

Q. What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A. Bisexual.

Q. What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A. Gonorrhoea.

Q. Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
A. It's for the Christmas period.

Q. How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A. The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Q. How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
A. When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

Q. How can you tell she's a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. Why did god give men penises?
A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Q. Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
A. They hid their own eggs!

Q. What's the hottest thing in the world?
A. Two rats fucking in a wool sock.

Q. What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
A. Hit either one of them and you're grounded.

Q. What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
A. Playtex.

Q. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A. Beef strokin' off.

Q. What's female Viagra?
A. Jewellery

Q. What do you call an anorexic prostitute?
A. Lite & Easy

Q. Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Q. What's the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
A. Nothing, they both suck!

Q. Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
A. They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.

Q. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
A. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.