Crude Sex Jokes IX

Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.

Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor?
A. By the ears. (Lick her)

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room

Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The position of the dirt bag.

Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.

Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.

Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.

Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.

Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!

Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles

Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q. Did you hear about the gay truckers?
A. They exchanged loads.

Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!

Q. Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!

Q. Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
A. You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
A. I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline

Q. What's worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
A. One dead baby nailed to 10 trees

Q. What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
A. I don't have a Porsche in my garage

Q. Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
A. They kept trying each other.

Q. What's the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A. A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!

Q. why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A. To see her crack

Q. What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
A. Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.

Q. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A. To keep its nuts dry.

Q. Why was Tigger's head in the toilet?
A. He was looking for pooh!

Q. What did one tit say to the other?
A. I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
A. He is usually home with the kids!

Q. Why do midgets laugh when they run?
A. Because the grass tickles their balls!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?
A. They couldn't close his casket.

Q. Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
A. The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!

Q. What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A. Dicktator

Q. How do you make a snooker table laugh.
A. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

Q. What do a Turtle and a Pedophile have in common?
A. They both want to get there before the 'hair' does.