Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear
Abby was a man?
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome
with my sister and me.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of
you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from
being an issue, this can bring all of the family together. Why not
get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let
him be with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and
cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform
oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories
per spoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure, and
gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His
offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral
sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. The
best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present,
and cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the
boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged.
The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other
men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a
stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for him. Just
look at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his
stable home. The best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of
his behavior.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris
is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess
with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you
may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and sell it. To
ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice, expensive present, and
cook him a delicious meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do
not love your man as much as you should-he has to work a lot to get
you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to
him by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant,
man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't
mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice,
expensive present, and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.
 
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