What's so bad about being a dick? Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.
What are the two greatest lies? "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."
Why is it called a Wonder Bra? When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
What's the difference between a rooster and a hooker? a rooster says cocka-doodle-doo a hooker says any cock will do.
Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant? Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it, rub-it!
What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it but they can't eat it.
What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why did the condom cross the road? Because it was pissed off.
What are three words you dread the most while making love? "Honey, I'm home."
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