Dirty Jokes XXI
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
Business was good at the local
whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms.
After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but
was put off. After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he
regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the
partition." Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade.
"Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with
A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?" She says, "Once, and I saw rage." Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."
Jack and Jill were twins who
couldn't find dates to the prom. So Jill asked Jack to go with her.
Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill
said, "Come on. Promise me if you can't find another date,
you'll take me." So Jack said okay. Well, Jack couldn't find a
date so he went with Jill. They were just standing by the punch
bowl, and Jill asked Jack to dance. Jack said, "No, you're my
sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. It'll be
fun." So Jack said okay, and they had a great time. After the
dance, Jill asked Jack to take her to Makeout Hill. Jack said,
"No, you're my sister, It would be gross." Jill said,
"We'll just talk, we don't talk anymore." So Jack said
okay. They were at Makeout Hill talking, when Jill moved to the
backseat. Jill said, "Come on, Jack, take me." Jack didn't
argue. When Jack moved on top of Jill, Jill murmured, "You're a
lot lighter than dad."
A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."
Every night after dinner, Harry took off for
the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and
always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He
usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't
get the door open. And, every time this happened, his wife would go
to the door and let him in. Then, she would proceed to yell and
scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a
drunken state. But, Harry still continued his nightly routine.
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
This guy visits the doctors and says, "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you." The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table." She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."
A man is at work one day when he notices that
his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to
be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about
the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his
co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into
These two guys had just gotten divorced and
they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.
They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far
north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up
there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us
enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got
the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board
with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
A man was complaining to a friend, "I had it all - money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman... then, poof! It was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out..."
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. Johnny's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
A guy was on his first date with a notoriously
loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they
parked. The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. She
seemed to be enjoying it, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That
ring is hurting me!"
Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time. First Soldier: Why did you join the army? Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army? First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.
Three old guys are sitting around complaining. The first guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I almost cut my ear off." The second guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I ate breakfast today, I spilled half my coffee on my toast." The third guy says, "My hands shake so bad that the last time I went to pee I came taking my cock out."