If you're going to go down, go down with
style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing
experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some
suggestions...
- Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend
to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez,
better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it
in a few minutes early.
- Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming
"Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
- If it is a math/science exam, answer in
essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with
numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
- Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim
them at the instructor's left nostril.
- Talk the entire way through the exam. Read
questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud.
If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear
me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the
instructor is.
- Bring cheerleaders.
- Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About
five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I
don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all
semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you?
Where's the regular guy?"
- Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...).
Play with the volume at max level.
- On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find
a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For
example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that
it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
- Bring pets.
- Run into the exam room looking about
frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor,
say "They've found me, I have to leave the country"
and run off.
- Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up,
rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into
the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're
really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost
the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
- Do the exam with crayons, paint, or
fluorescent markers.
- Come into the exam wearing a pair of
birkenstocks, and nothing else.
- Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's
Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
- Do the entire exam in another language. If
you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try
using Roman numerals.
- Bring things to throw at the instructor
when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to
you.
- As soon as the instructor hands you the
exam, eat it.
- Walk into the exam with an entourage.
Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the
exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be
persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the
profits if they are allowed to stay.
- Every five minutes, stand up, collect all
your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
- Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes
into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
- Do the entire exam as if it was multiple
choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell
out
interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..).
- Bring a black marker. Return the exam with
all questions and answers completely blacked out.
- Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it,
throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw
this!" and walk out triumphantly.
- Arrange a protest before the exam starts
(i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's
done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink).
- Show up completely drunk. (Completely
drunk means at some point during the exam, you start to hold
your mouth and make "I'm about to bring something
up" sounds.).
- Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If
the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory
tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I
get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
- Comment on how sexy the instructor is
looking that day.
- Come to the exam wearing a black cloak.
After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling
"I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag
you away.
- Go to an exam for a class you have no clue
about, where you know the class is very small, and the
instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you
have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the
exam.
- Upon receiving the exam, look it over,
while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to
waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
- Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
- From the moment the exam begins, hum the
theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to
stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another,
begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
- Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
- If the exam is math/science related, make
up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and
imaginary numbers into most equations.
- Come in wearing a full knight's outfit,
complete with sword and shield.
- Bring a friend to give you a back massage
the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed,
because you have bad circulation.
- Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS
(make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a
calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're
getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the
comment "Please use the attached notes for references as
you see fit."
- When you walk in, complain about the heat.
Strip.
- After you get the exam, call the
instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer.
Try to work it out of him/her.
- One word: Wrestlemania.
- Bring balloons, blow them up, start
throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
- Try to get people in the room to do the
wave.
- Play Frisbee with a friend at the other
side of the room.
- Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol.
Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small
sacrifice.
- Get deliveries of candy, flowers,
balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes
throughout the exam.
- During the exam, take apart everything
around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
- Complete the exam with everything you
write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
- Bring a musical instrument with you, play
various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me
think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you,
challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase
"Told you so".
- Answer the exam with the "Top Ten
Reasons Why My Professor Sucks".
  
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