Reasons you won't win the local annual
Halloween costume contest...
After your roommate insisted on being
the front legs, you began to suspect that a burrito dinner wasn't
such a good idea.
Your "Ally McBeal" barfed in the judge's trick or treat
The Nike swoosh -- while obscene to some -- is just not all that
scary emblazoned on a white sheet.
"Hey! Blue dress with a stain and a cigar! Why didn't I think
Somehow your Snoop Dog costume just didn't go over that big at the
Your kindergarten students failed to see the humor in your
"Road Kill Barney" costume.
Unlike thousands of other Monica look-alikes, the semen on your
dress is not *really* the President's semen.
Although your "Internal Bus Architecture of the Intel Celeron
Chip" costume was a big hit with the other engineers at the
office, things are different out in the real world.
You can't get the zipper on your Bill Clinton costume to stay down.
In order to enter, you'd first have to log off the Internet -- and
pornography doesn't just read itself, now does it?
Looks like "Viagra Man" will be spending Halloween in jail
for indecent exposure.
Something in her eyes tells you there was an inherent flaw in your
plan of dressing up as the hostess's dead husband in order to get
The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round
ass, not the other way around.
Your "Naked Linda Tripp" costume is actually more
nauseating than scary.
Your "Yanni" costume got you beat up on the way to the
party - four times.
Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your
"Diggler" is stuck in the car door.
Your beret falls off every time you kneel.
Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check. Can of Homer Simpson "Duff
Homer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!
No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge Schott.
This year's guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never even
*heard* of Marilyn Manson.
Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as Nikola
Tesla, father of alternating current.
The judges wrongly interpreted your "Liposuction
By-product" costume as a "Bowl of Tapioca Pudding"
The only song you knew to go with the costume was "Mammy,"
and the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.
*Nobody* likes a farting clown.