Thanks to my friends who sent me such
important emails in 2004 and 2005. It's so wonderful that you included
me in your quest to inform! I'm sure you wish to thank me for the
Because of you:
I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's
good for removing toilet stains. I stopped going to the movies for
fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because
you said it causes cancer. I don't leave my car in any parking lot
even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you
said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try
to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will
ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell
with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped consuming several foods because you said the estrogen they
contain may turn me gay.
I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me
they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can
sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will
get sick from the rat feces and urine.
When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that
someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub
full of ice.
I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. That poor sick
girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing, she never
seems to get any older.
I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of
the $15,000.00 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when
I participated in their special e-mail program. It's weird, though,
that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the
passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or
forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.
PS: If you don't send this by e-mail to at least 1200 people in the
next ten seconds, a bird will shit on you tomorrow at 3:00 PM!