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Latest Jokes |
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Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head! She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes. First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No, it's imagination. I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone. My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour. There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Frozen Barbie on a Stick ...in your grocer's frozen food section There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Divorce Barbie ...includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's belongings There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Broken Bungee Barbie ...Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement There is a new Barbie doll on the market - FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her neck There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Shock Therapy Barbie ...car battery and wires included There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Crash Test Barbie ...comes with car and brick wall There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self There is a new Barbie doll on the market - East German Swim Team Barbie ...a Barbie head on a Ken doll A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off." A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian." Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too." Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe s and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?" Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies. YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WHERE A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.
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