How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows, it's never happened.
How many men does it take to make popcorn? Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.
What's a man idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
What does a man consider to be a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
How can you tell if a man is cheating on you? He has a bath more than once a month.
How do you confuse a man? You don't - they're born that way.
When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesn't agree with them.
Where's the safest place to hide money from a man? Under the soap
How are men like carpet tiles? If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask directions.
What do you call a man who opens the car door for you? A chauffeur.
Why do men act like idiots? Who says they're acting?
How do you lose fourteen stone of fat? Dump him.
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