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New Commandments Category

New Commandments


It's about time someone updated those commandments, so here are some suggestions...

Thou shall not stick anything larger than thine own elbow in thine ear

Thou shall not eat anything larger than thine own head

Thou shall not kill� unless thou has a good reason to do it

Thou shall watch porn movies

Thou shall have an ego smaller than that of Prince Charles

Thou shall not impersonate God, unless thou is stoned off thy ass

Thou shall not piss in the holy water

Thou shall not piss in the pool water

Thou shall not sign a contract of more than seven thousand pages

Thou shall not write a contract larger than seven thousand pages

Thou shall not fantasize about Bob the Builder

Thou shall not lick thine own asshole

Thou shall not be Communist

Thou shall not masturbate into the Fountain of Youth

Thou shall not start the fourth Reich

Thou shall not set homework

Thou shall have a surname shorter than forty-six letters

Thou shall always believe in what thy say, unless thou is wrong

Thou shall not make love to a lamp-post

Thou shall not eat a Nintendo

Thou shall not eat a Playstation (Sega�s don�t matter)

Thou shall not be flexible enough to go through thine own legs twice, backwards, without breaking thy spine

Thou shall listen to an entire sentence before making some disgusting comment about it

Thou shall not desecrate thine own genitalia

Thou shall not be unco

Thou shall not like any show on Comedy Central, other than South Park and Dr. Katz

Thou shall commit adultery

Thou shall hate all songs by Hanson (except maybe This Time Around)

Thou shall not create a song lasting longer than twenty-four minutes

Thou shall not bore shitless

Thou shall only install light switches smaller than the wall they are on

Thou shall consume alcohol only on special occasions, but these rules are very flexible, as Nuntas is included on the list, the celebration of the passing from morning to afternoon. (i.e. you can just make them up)

Thou shall not do the Hampsterdance

Thou shall not spell hamster incorrectly, with a P

Thou shall not enter a freestyle rapping competition

Thou shall succumb to advertising

Thou shall not try to �show the bank� by not paying your bill

Thou shall break out of prison, unless thou is not in jail, in which case thou shall commit a felony, then break out of prison [Please do not take this literally]

Thou shall not be a Video Jockey (VJ)

Thou shall not market Windows XP

Thou shall not be part of a pop group

Thou shall pirate all forms of media possible

Thou shall not play Ookeymouth (This game consists of having someone spit in your mouth and trying to say �ookeymouth� at the same time)

Thou shall not use Mad magazine as a basis for real life

Thou shall not make a pocket television that fits in a change pocket

Thou shall not stand in the street and scream �You are the weakest link. Goodbye!� in any language

Thou shall destroy anything to do with any sort of �mon�. Pokemon, Digimon� it�s all got to go.

Thou shall not chuck a psycho

Thow shall use good spelling


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