I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take
lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people
what to do.
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about
all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai
Chi in the lunch room.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell
I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You're probably
looking for someone more experienced.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I'm
I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a college drop-out.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I've been accused of sexual
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don't throw me
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I'm gonna hold my
breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.