| REMOVING
CLOTHES |
|
| With partner's
consent... |
12 calories |
| Without
partner's consent... |
187 calories |
| |
|
| UNHOOKING
BRA |
|
| Using two calm
hands... |
7 calories |
| Using one
trembling hand... |
36 calories |
| |
|
| GETTING INTO
BED |
|
| Lifting
partner... |
1.5 calories |
| Dragging
partner along floor... |
16 calories |
| Using
skateboard... |
3 calories |
| |
|
| ACHIEVING
ERECTIONS |
|
| For normal
healthy man... |
2.5 calories |
| Losing
erection... |
14 calories |
| Searching for
it... |
115 calories |
| |
|
| PUTTING ON
CONDOM |
|
| With
erection... |
1.5 calories |
| Without
erection... |
300 calories |
| |
|
| INSERTING
DIAPHRAGM |
|
| If the woman
who does it is: |
|
| Experienced... |
6 calories |
|
Inexperienced... |
73 calories |
| If a man does
it... |
650 calories |
| Add
five calories for retrieving it from across the room. |
|
| |
|
| POSSIBLE
INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS |
|
| Bouncing... |
7 calories |
| Sliding
around... |
9 calories |
| Serious
skidding... |
12 calories |
| Whiplash... |
27 calories |
| |
|
| ORGASM |
|
| Real... |
27 calories |
| Faked... |
160 calories |
| |
|
| ORGASMIC
INTENSITY SCALE |
|
| Shoes flew
off... |
35 calories |
| Expression
didn't change... |
0.5 calories |
| Orchestra
swelled... |
6 calories |
| Birds sang: |
|
| Large birds... |
7 calories |
| Small birds... |
3 calories |
| Earth moved... |
30 calories |
| |
|
| PULLING OUT |
|
| After orgasm... |
0.5 calories |
| A few moments
before orgasm... |
500 calories |
| |
|
| PENIS ENVY |
|
| For woman... |
3 calories |
| For men... |
72 calories |
| |
|
| GUILT |
|
| Banging your
boss for a promotion... |
30 calories |
| Sex during a 'sickie'... |
10 calories |
| Bonking each
other with parents in other room... |
7 calories |
| Putting it on
your expense account... |
9 calories |
| |
|
| AGGRAVATION |
|
| Partner keeps
showing plant... |
5 calories |
| Partner insists
on dog cuddling during foreplay... |
14 calories |
| Partner just
visited bathroom for 7th time... |
10 calories |
| Partner is
taking phone calls... |
7 calories |
| Partner is
making phone calls... |
40 calories |
| |
|
| GETTING
CAUGHT |
|
| By partner's
spouse... |
60 calories |
| By your
spouse... |
100 calories |
| Trying to
explain... |
55 calories |
| Trying to
remain calm... |
100 calories |
| Leaping out of
bed... |
75 calories |
| Getting dressed
in one motion... |
500 calories |
