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Silly Jokes |
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Customer: I'd like a watch that tells time. Clerk: Don't you have a watch that tells time? Customer: No, you have to look at it. For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yoreself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?" That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon. What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? Time to get a new car. If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one. A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer." A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another o ne disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:45!." How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb? You can hear their brooms tick! What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea. What time is it when you sit on a pin? Spring time. What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital? With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell. How do you get milk from a witch's cat? Steal her saucer. What happened to the naughty little witch at school? She was ex-spelled. Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse? She was having Disney spells. Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She's forecasting sunny spells. Why was the student witch so bad at essays? Because she couldn't spell properly. What's the favorite subject of young witches at school? Spelling. What happens if you see twin witches? You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch. How do witches lose weight? They join weight witches. What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can.
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