Techronia Technical Support Services
"The world of technology can be difficult for some."
- Press Release
We offer a range of quality services to
satisfy any possible technical support requirement. Time and time
again, companies rely on our services to fish their workers out of
daily situations and problems. Most companies only give you the
"royal shaft" treatment, Techronia gives you the answers.
We probe deep into the partially working minds of our clients and
delve into their shallow waters to discover what they want from us.
Whether it's the fact that they are incapable of figuring out a
device like the "mouse" that 6.7 million other people know
how to use, or finding that ever elusive power switch for the
monitor, we are here to help.
Lets look at just some of the service
offerings available from Techronia at competitive industry rates...
Techronia Phone Support
- When the statement "Click Here"
isn't clear enough; when "Press any key to
continue..." doesn't provide enough options; when
"Are you sure you wish to format non-removable
device?" is just not informative enough, Techronia will
be there. Tony Pallers explains, "It was about 3:45pm and
we received a call from what we classify here as a Loser
User... ", stopping momentarily to reminisce he continues
in the sound of the users voice, "I have lost all my
files! I go to drive 'A' just like the book says, and the
computer says there is nothing there!" Tony continues in
his normal voice, "I asked the user if he took the disk
in drive A out. The user on the other end of the phone is
silent for a few seconds and replies, 'yeah, why do you ask?'
To which I replied, "BECAUSE YOUR FILES ARE ON THAT
FUCKING DISK YOU PRICK!" Quick, accurate service makes
Techronia, support firm chart topper for the past 5 years.
Techronia Priority Out Of Hours Wanker
Service
- "I remember one client calling... It
was about 2am and he used our Priority Out of Hours Wanker
Service... He called saying that his screen was blank, his
mind was blank, and he needed to start writing a presentation
due to management the next morning." recalls technician
Bob Goldbalm. "We immediately provided a solution, by
asking the user to plug the computer in, "For the thing
to work, just plug it in, moron!". "It's moments
like this, to hear the squeals of glee from this fucking moron
that make me feel like I am doing my job." says Bob
shaking his head in disbelief.
Techronia Group Therapy
- It doesn't just end at simple phone
support for our customers... Since things like, undeleteing
files clients so recklessly deleted isn't always possible, we
offer stupidity consultations. We open up user groups to talk
about where their stupidity originated. Heredity, social
status, the fact that they received a pink slip 3 weeks ago
but are still working for the company, are all group
discussion topics that bring subjects into the open. Although
most of the clients are irreparably moronic for the rest of
their lives, we can look at ways of curving the impact of
their truly stupid acts from effecting the remainder of the
company.
Techronia Out of Hours On-Site
- It was about 11:30 on a Sunday morning,
when I get a request to go onto a client site. When I arrive,
a man flailing his arms comes up to me and states, "I'm
trying to print this document!...And the printer wont work!
Why can't you guys get this printing thing right?" the
user said. I approached the printer, pointed to it, and said,
"Do you know what that blinking red light next to 'PAPER
JAM' means?", to which there was the usual pause and,
"No?" Opening the printer I exclaimed, "It
means there is a fucking paper jam, as in open the printer,
and take the fucking paper out, cunt." Our on-site
support not only resolves the immediate problem, but helps
instruct the user on how to resolve the problem in future
incidences, rather then resorting to their usual complete
display of arrogance.
For further information on these and many
other services, contact 1-800-DUM-USER
Original material
"Technical Support" Copyright
2000 Visca Corporation. All rights reserved.
 
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