In the world of romance, one single rule
applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she
dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for
doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
played. Here is a guide to the point system...
Simple Duties
You make the
bed...................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows..........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets........................-1
You leave the toilet seat
up.......................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's
empty...................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next
bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with
wings.......+5
But return with
beer...............................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at
night...........................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's
nothing...................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something................+5
You pummel it with a six
iron.....................................+10
It's her
father...................................................-10
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly...........-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it...+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts..........-5
Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical............-5
Something she can't use...................-10
Such as a motorized model airplane..............-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday.............-40
Driving
You lost the directions on a trip..............-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost..............-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town........-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
personal.........-25
You know them.........-60
The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?".................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding............-10
You reply, "Where?"...........-35
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression......0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the
TV........+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............-20
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party..........0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy........-2
Named Tiffany....................-4
Tiffany is a dancer...................-6
Tiffany has implants...................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
lovingly...........+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and
chain" and pat her on the rump..........-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you
think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as
attractive as you"................+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's
attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in
bed"......-6
That woman is her sister....................-90
You have one drink, and that's it................0
You have more than a few & perform the tango with a
poodle.........-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being
fingerprinted....-18
Saturday Afternoon
You go to the mall together.....................+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the
car....................+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a
sports bar...................-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like
it....+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a
sectional....0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk
.............+3
Most of it chips and beer ..............-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the
den............+15
Or refinishing the floors......................+16
Or rewiring the basement....................+17
Or adding a second floor................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom
wastebasket.......-6
And you're tickled pink about it.....................-15
You visit her parents.....................0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation
..............+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television
........-3
And the television is off........................-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your
underwear...........-6
And you didn't even go to college..............-10
And it's not your underwear....................-15
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner....................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar...............+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.........................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night....................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team.......-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar
player.........+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and
sing.............................+4
If you stink.............................+2
If you're not half bad........................+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to
much applause...........-2
You give her a gift........................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance.............-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate..................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for
months..........+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that
day........-10
With her credit card...............-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........-40
Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely.......................-20
You forget your anniversary.....................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey...................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.............-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal ...........................-5
And the pal is happily married ...................-4
Or frighteningly single ....................-7
And he drives a Mustang....................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15
You have a few beers.................-9
And miss curfew by an hour.................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't
call....................-20
You get home at 3 am....................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap
cigars...........-40
And not wearing any pants......................-50
Is that a tattoo??.................-200
Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
work...................+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home
late.................+10
You wait up.......................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to
bed..........+20
A Night At Home
You watch TV together.................0
You rent a movie...............+2
You rent a movie and it's SENSE &
SENSIBILITY...................+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake
throughout.............+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall
asleep.......................-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and
drool.............-2
A Night Out
You take her to a movie........................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ...................+6
You take her to a movie you like.................-2
It's called DeathCop 3.......................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected........................
0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of
it........+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked
yourself..........+30
And she contracts Lyme
disease....................................-25
 
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