ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically
you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you
couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate
at a wedding
TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get
on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever
wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character.
Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the
type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making
money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's
limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to
try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden
snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the
welfare.
VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them.
But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo
men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This
makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a
complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However
these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love
picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no
helmet.
SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the
arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men
even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for
a romp in the sack.
CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A
mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is
probably an altar boy.
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in
the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the
least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy
wearing fishnet tights.
PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation.
You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people
consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually
fail. You're a prick.
 
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