You're so ugly, when you walk into
the bank
they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the
Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house
and came out with an application.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the
electric chair.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents
named you Shit Happens.
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to
worry about birth control...your face
will do just fine.
You're so ugly, you could model for death
threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they
put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on
your mirror.
You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror
your reflection turns to stone.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand
the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
You're so ugly, when you were born the
doctor took one look at you and slapped
your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of
the car window and got arrested for
mooning.
You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.
Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey
and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat
by phone.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into
labor your father went into shock.
You're so ugly, every time your mother looks
at you she says to herself, "Damn, I should've
just given head."
I know why you look like a horse, because I
saw your mother grazing in the field.
You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo
- first I peeked, then I booed.
You're so ugly, you can sink your face in
dough and make monster cookies.
You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell,
when people see you they run for the border.
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.
You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper
and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."
You're so ugly, you mother had to get drunk
before she breast fed you.
You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and
got a permanent job.
You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are
afraid to draw you.
You're so ugly, when you get sick they call
the vet.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as
a scarecrow.
You're so ugly, every time you go out you get
chased by the dog catcher.
You're so ugly, when you jerk off your hand
tries to fall asleep.
You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.
You're so ugly, they call you Moses because
every time you step in the lake, the water
parts.
You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger
nightmares.
You're so ugly, they let you park in
handicapped spaces.
You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang
it didn't come back.
You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo
they refused to let you out.
You're so ugly, you can't get a date off
the calendar.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into
labor the doctors went on strike.
You're so ugly, your last name is Link and
your first is Missing.
You're so ugly, people put your picture in
their car window as an anti-theft device.
You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into
yogurt, just by looking at it.
You're so ugly, people create a Jackson
Pollock style painting when they spew on
the floor.
 
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