Hunting attorneys for sport has lately
become somewhat of a past time for people. Enough so that the
government has stepped in with new laws limiting such things as who
can hunt them, how many can be hunted, and by what means...
1. Any person with a valid State hunting
license may harvest attorneys.
2. The taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The
use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. The killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If
accidentally struck, remove road kill to roadside, then proceed to
nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a
helicopter or other aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout, "whiplash,"
"ambulance!" or, "Free Perrier!" for the
purposes of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills,
prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of
whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, there will be a
$500 bounty on the pelt.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department
inspection for rabies, vermin and contagious diseases.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a
reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident
victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purposes of hunting
Attorney Bag Limits:
Yellow-Bellied Sidewinder = 5
Hairless Civil Libertarian = 7
Skinny-Assed Ambulance Chaser = 12
Horse or Cattle Rustler Defender = 20
Silver-Tongued Murderer Defender = 50
Jack-Legged Divorce Litigator = No limit
Honest Attorney = Extinct