This is the private diary of a Viagra
housewife...
Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to
celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he
locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell
me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't
noticed.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will
fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes
Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I
think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping
to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5
What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing
that.
Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday,
at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He
thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very
nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm
also getting a bit sore down there.
Day 9
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much.
And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat
whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black
and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even
my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
Day 12
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth
or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has
become dangerous...
Day 13
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going
to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that
"Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.
Day 14
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more
horny. Help me!
Day 15
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I
sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come
over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he
did.
Day 16
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the
bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the
Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference...Christ! Here he comes again!
Day 18
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV
all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do
everything for him. What absolute bliss!
 
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