The longer you're part of the corporate work
force, the more humorous this area becomes.
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping
At Your Desk...
"They told me at the blood bank this
might happen."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as
described in that time management course you sent me."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off
the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
"I wasn't sleeping! I was
meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new
paradigm."
"I was testing my keyboard for drool
resistance."
"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve
work-related stress."
"Damn! Why did you interrupt
me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest
problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the
wrong pot..."
" ... in Jesus' name.
Amen."
You know you work in Corporate America
in the 90's if...
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and
worked for three different companies.
You worked for the same company for 4 years
and sat at more than 10 different desks.
You've been in the same job for 4 years and
have had 10 different managers.
You order your business cards in "half
orders" instead of whole boxes.
When someone asks about what you do for a
living, you can't explain it in one sentence.
You get really excited about a 2% pay
raise.
You use acronyms in your sentences.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is
that you lose your best jokes.
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your
bedroom closet.
It's dark when you drive to and from work.
Fun is when issues are assigned to someone
else.
The word "opportunity" makes you
shiver in fear.
You see a good looking person and know it
is a visitor.
Free food left over from meetings is your
main staple.
Weekends are those days your significant
other makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can't walk or
you're in the hospital.
Art involves a white board.
You're already late on the assignment you
just got.
Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube
and are read by your co-workers only.
Your boss' favorite lines are "when
you get a few minutes" or "when you're freed up".
You read this entire list and understood
it.
After a 2 year study, the National Science
Foundation announced the following results on the American Male's
recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or
incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is:
bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the
corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
A doctor, a lawyer, and a
manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a
mistress.
The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife
and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of
security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that
when the wife thinks you're with the mistress, and the mistress
thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some
work."
 
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